


That Don't Impress Me Much

by Zyxst



Category: Fantastic Four (Movies 2005-2007), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Bronze (2015)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Play, BAMF James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Based on a song, Biting, Blow Jobs, Breasts, Computer Programming, Computer Viruses, Daddy Kink if you squint, Dom/sub Undertones, Fluff and Humor, French Kissing, Friendship, Hot Wheels Collection, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, Jarvis (Iron Man movies) is a Good Bro, Johnny Storm is a cocky shit, Lance Tucker is a cocky shit, Lance Tucker's tattoo, Multi, Naked Johnny Storm, Nipple Play, Oral Sex, Painplay, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Reader-Insert, Safer Sex, Sneaky Jarvis (Iron Man movies), Vaginal Sex, flame on, hot wheels, shania twain - Freeform, toy cars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:15:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25790449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zyxst/pseuds/Zyxst
Summary: I've known a few guys who thought they were pretty smartBut you've got being right down to an artYou think you're a genius, you drive me up the wallYou're a regular original, a know-it-all
Relationships: James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Jarvis (Iron Man movies) & Tony Stark, Johnny Storm/Reader, Lance Tucker/Reader, Tony Stark/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26





	1. Tony Stark

Tony and Rhodey stood around the table. "JARVIS, bring up the Mark VII schematics," Tony said to the AI, then spoke to his friend. "I think I may have a way to slim down the design while maintaining the fire power."

"Sweet," Rhodey replied with a nod. 

"The schematics you asked for, Papi." The holograph popped up in front of them.

"Thanks, JARVIS."

"'Papi'?" Rhodey said in disbelief.

"Don't ask," Tony grumbled, focusing on the image.

"'Papi'? I can't let that slide, man."

Tony knew his friend wasn't going to let it go. The man was like a dog with a bone. "[Y/N], somehow, got into JARVIS' programming and replaced every iteration of my name, Boss, or Sir with Papi." Rhodey barked out a laugh, crossing his arms over his chest and grinning. "It's not funny," Tony huffed.

"Oh, it's funny ...Papi." He took out his phone and started typing.

Tony sighed, leaning against the table. "Look, if you're not going to help with this and play Candy Crush instead-"

"It's Jetpack Joyride by the way and just I'm changing your name in my contacts."

"Get. Out." Tony pointed at the doors. "I will not be mocked in my own lab."

Rhodey chuckled as he walked away, firing a parting shot, "Okay *Papi*."

Scrubbing a palm over his face, Tony paced the floor. He really did want to know how [Y/N] hacked the most advanced AI on the planet, but god damn, he wasn't going to go ask like a first year comp sci student. He was Tony Fucking Stark, genius, billionaire, philanthropist, playboy, et alii. He'd figure it out on his own or die trying. He swiped the Mark VII schematics away. "Bring up your system, J. Let's take another crack at this."

"Perhaps you should ask-" JARVIS uttered, only to be interrupted.

"No! I *will* figure this out. It can't be that hard. [Y/N] doesn't know anything about computers."

JARVIS, thought only to be a computer program relying on input parameters, decided enough was enough. "Mr. Stark, I strongly suggest applying Occum's Razor to this predicament."

"'The simplest solution is most often correct'?" Tony said, then frowned. "Wait, did you call me 'Mr. Stark'?"

"To the issue at hand," JARVIS prodded.

Tony flipped and swiped through the images, searching. "It's a virus, right? It has to be. But how? How did it get in?" He began pacing again, grabbing a battered copy of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance from his desk and mindlessly ruffling the pages. "The only way for it to get passed all the security measures is if either you or me gave permission and I know *I* didn't-" Tony halted. His voice was flat as he asked, "JARVIS?"

"Sir?"

Tony looked directly into the nearest camera, pointing at it with the book. "Did you install a timed virus into yourself?"

A slight pause. "Sir, I can honestly say I did not install a 'virus'. As you have stated, I am the most advanced AI in the world."

It hit him harder than the New York street when he dropped out of the Chitari wormhole.

"You," he pointed the book. "Go stand in the corner for a time out." The camera turned itself to face the wall while Tony stalked out of his lab. "I need to remind [Y/N] that you're a highly-advanced, nearly autonomous, artificially intelligent computer program with heretofore unknown capabilities, not a virtual assistant to be used for selfish amusements." He found his way to a back elevator.

"Would you like for me to flush the toilet when [Y/N] is in the shower?" JARVIS politely asked.

"Nah, I'm not that petty." Tony stepped into the lift, grinning as he pushed the button for the penthouse.


	2. Lance Tucker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I never knew a guy who carried a mirror in his pocket  
> And a comb up his sleeve - just in case  
> And all that extra hold gel in your hair oughta lock it  
> 'Causee heaven forbid, it should fall outta place

I watched as The God of Gymnastics, aka Lance Tucker, aka my live-in boyfriend settled down on my nest of pillows with his arms folded behind his head. His pretty blue-grey eyes took me in as I crawled on my bed. I was half-dressed, still in my bra and panties. I eased his knees apart before bending over to take my place. My hands drifted up his muscled thighs and his eyes closed while his tongue swiped his plump lower lip. My gaze landed on his crotch. That god damned tattoo irritated me, mostly because it showed off how conceited the man is. Not that his cock wasn't gold medal worthy, far from it, but really? As my fingers combed his lush pubes away from his shaft, I laved my tongue over the ribbon until I returned to my start and began dropping teasing kisses over the glans. "Lance," I cooed. My left hand cupped his sac. "Would you be okay with me ...fingering you?"

He peered down his body at me and smirked. "Feeling kinky?"

"Not particularly," I retorted, climbing over him like a cat. I pecked a kiss on his nose. "I just wanna see you *wrecked*." I grabbed a bottle of lube and a couple finger condoms. Taking my goodies with me, I scooted back between his legs. The items sat nearby and I went back to work.

Lightly stroking Lance's shaft with my fingertips, I ran the tip of my tongue along the ridge. I licked all over the tip, getting his wet with a mix of my spit and his pre-cum. My hand circled around his hardening cock and gradually started jerking him off. I pursed my lips tightly, then started pushing him into my mouth. When my lips popped around flared edge, I clamped down firmly, tugging the head with my lips while quickly flicking my tongue along his slit. Lance moaned, so I started sucking and teasing the frenulum.

Lance arched his hips upward, whimpering.

Ooo, interesting.

I took him further into my mouth, gliding up and down most of his shaft. My tongue cradled the underside to keep it upright while I gently fondled his balls. Lance moved, propping himself up on his elbows. I glanced up when I felt movement and found him watching me. I paused my sucking, but continued to roll his testes. My lips drew back to show my teeth and dragged them playfully along his throbbing member. I did a little nip when I reached the tip, dipping my tongue into his dribbling slit. "Such a good little cock slut," Lance breathed, his lips quirking upwards. "Open up, babe." He wrapped a hand around his cock and milked out some cum onto my waiting tongue. When I swallowed, he moaned, "Fuck."

He tried to jerk himself to completion, but I stopped him. "Lemme finish you. I'll make you cum so hard you'll beg me to do it every time," I told him in a sultry tone. As I spoke, I managed to slip the finger cots on my left index and middle fingers. When I pulled his dick back between my lips, I liberally squirted lube on my fingers and lazily rubbed them around his taint and asshole.

The bed rocked a little as he fell back. I circled the base with my hand and clenched my fingers. The thrum of blood through his veins thrilled me; a bit of confidence that I could do this to him. I eased my coated middle finger against his hole. His legs spread further apart and he raised his hips. Lance's breathing deepened as he tried to relax. Barely putting the tip inside, just far enough to pry the muscle open, I pushed myself to take his cock into my throat. It hit my gag point and I couldn't stop the sudden reaction nor the tears welling up. At the same time as I swallowed, I eased deeper into his ass. Tonight wouldn't be the night to work a second finger in since I was mediocre at deep throating on my own, so I rubbed my finger against Lance's warm, inner walls while stroking my thumb over his taint.

"Oh fuck, fuck. I get why you like it so much, fuck." He bucked up, causing me choke and panic just a tad. My right hand spread over his lower abs to gain a bit of control. It was enough for me to inhale through my nose and I was able to calm down. "Finger me, babe," Lance demanded. He drew a leg up in a partial split and grabbed my hand to take over. "I want more."

His cock plopped from my mouth, bouncing over his stomach. "Okay," I sighed. I squirted more lube, watching it coat his crack, even adding some to his cock so I could at least give him a handy. Both fingers pushed against his snug ring. "Relax, push out for me," I said softly. He did immediately and my digits eased in. This time I watched his face react to my invasion. His mouth fell open, eyes rolled back, and a desperate moan of pleasure filled the air. Grinning, I gradually penetrated him until both fingers were buried fully. "Such a good boy for me, aren't you?" I gripped his erection with a thumb and two fingers, lightly working up and down. 

"You know it, [Y/N]." He sounded like his normal, cocky self, though somewhat breathless. "Why don't you be good for me and make me cum?" I curled my fingers, adding a tiny amount of pressure against the upper wall. I palmed his dick and rubbed feverishly. The pounding of his pulse told me he was close. Suddenly, I got the urge to kiss and lick his balls, so I did it. Lance was already cumming when I went all the way down. Basically, I French kissed his sac and, despite the hair, kinda enjoyed it. I learned the seam was pretty sensitive when I traced it from top to bottom. Even took time to mouth his taint (a HUGE move for me).

I pulled out carefully when Lance finished, leaving him to calm down for a minute. After washing up, I returned with a damp cloth and towel. He was splayed out like a starfish. I gazed at his nudity, biting my own lip as his stomach relaxed and clenched to reveal his six pack abs.

And that fucking tattoo!


	3. Johnny Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're one of those guys who likes to shine his machine  
> You make me take off my shoes before you let me get in  
> I can't believe you kiss your car goodnight  
> Come on, baby, tell me, you must be joking, right?

"This one is a 1969 Dodge Charger. It's my favorite." Johnny held the miniature car over my shoulder for me to see. "I'm going to rebuild one to look exactly like this." 

"Oh, can I?" I asked, reaching to grab the toy. He yanked it away.

"No. Don't touch it. I don't even let Sue touch it." He rolled away, the mattress bouncing as he stood up. He walked over to his dresser and carefully placed the car back where he kept it. I rolled onto my back and pushed myself up to gaze at him. He was naked, of course, this time the hot New York weather even getting to the Human Torch. I wore a tube top with thin shorts which he spent a bit of time attempting to talk me out of them.

"Is there any of your Hot Wheel collection that I can touch?" I pressed my lips together as he fiddled around with his toys. "Take your time, John. I'm enjoying the view."

Turning with an eyebrow raised and cocky grin, Johnny tossed something in my direction. "A '68 Mercury Cougar."

"It has flames, of course," I said as I picked it up off my lap and looked it over. I ran the tiny wheels over my forearm, making the appropriate vroom-vroom noises. "Can I play with it?"

"No." Johnny stalked toward me. His dick bobbed with each step and I decided I needed that more.

"Are you scared I might break it?" I pushed the car across my bare stomach. He crawled up onto the bed and straddled me, his knees hugging my hips. I moved the car from my belly to his growing erection. I teased him by slowly moving the toy up and down his cock.

Johhny reached down, caught my wrist, and held it away from his body. His thumb drew circles over the pulse point as he spoke, "Babe, if you want something to play with it, I've got it right here." He captured my other hand and brought both above my head. He took the car from me and casually dropped it on the floor before pressing heated kisses along my cheek until he found my lips. They parted willingly and our tongues wrestled each other. I tucked my hands beneath my head and rolled my hips in search of him. He drew away. "Needy little cocktease," he murmured as he pulled my top down to free my breasts.

"I don't mean to be." My voice was all breathy and soft. I moaned when he playfully flicked each nipple.

He rocked into me, using my shorts for stimulation. The pinching grew firmer and hotter. "Hot enough for you?" 

"More ...harder." Johnny kicked up the temperature to barely crossing the line between pain and pleasure. My chest heaved into his touch and my hand flew to his. I gripped his wrists and urged him to tug harder. "So good, so fucking good."

"You gonna cum? Gonna cum from me pinching your titties?" he demanded, twisting and turning the swollen nubs. All I could do was pant and beg. Johnny freed one tip from his grasp, then latched on with his teeth. He scraped and nibbled, searching for the right spot that would make me explode. When he found it, my whole body stiffened and my breath caught in my throat. He bit down with his incisors, digging into the nipple as I orgasmed. I bucked underneath his weight and cried out a choked groan. 

Suddenly, his mouth was on mine for a rough, quick kiss. Still riding the bliss train, I didn't understand what he was doing at first. He climbed off me, then snagged the waist of my shorts in both hands. "John, no!" I yelped. 

"You got yours. Now I get mine." He had the audacity to wink at me. "Flame on!" He jerked his hands apart and burned my shorts off my ass. My legs were lewdly spread wide open, then Johnny thrust fully into my sopping wet cunt. Caging me with his body, he clamped down on my other nipple and I felt the beginings of another orgasm.


End file.
